by Smith Jones
Mrs. Jones has quite a habit of cultivating sudden friendships, which have every appearance of blooming eternally, but which soon wither in the world's cold blasts. I used to think this characteristic was confined to school girls, who promise immortal fidelity in letters, crossed and re-crossed, but forget each other as soon as they have caught a lover.
My wife's last acquisition, in the way of a bosom friend, is Mrs Mortimer Mowbray, with whom she became acquainted last Summer, while we were boarding out of town. Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray had her carriage with her, and created quite a sensation; in fact, every lady in the house was eager to become her confidant; but the amiable deportment of Mrs. Jones, combined, I doubt not, with her intellectual accomplishments, rendered her the favorite; and she it was who daily occupied the spare seat in the coach, and had the honor of advising Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray in those thousand grave perplexities under which women suffer.
We returned to the city after the Mowbrays, but my wife, though usually very firm on the questions of etiquette, waived her privileges on this occasion, and made the first call. She was graciously received, and came home in high spirits. All that evening she could do nothing but talk of Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray. "Such an elegant establishment," she said. "A footman with manners like a prince, waited at the door. The drawing-room was the perfection of luxury and taste. Mrs. Mowbray had on such a sweet cap, and altogether looked so lady-like. Her manners, were, indeed, most aristocratic, just what one would suppose those of a countess to be."
In a few days, Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray returned my wife's call, coming in a shining new carriage and with a new span of horses. Her equipage created quite a sensation in our street.
Mrs. Jones, soon after this, began to act as if brooding over some vast design, which not being yet quite matured, she deemed it wisest to be silent respecting. At last, however, the mighty secret was broached.
"I was thinking, Jones," she said, one night, just as I was composing myself to sleep on my pillow, "that we ought to give a party. Not a regular ball, indeed, but a select entertainment, where a few congenial minds may be brought together. I should like to introduce my dear Mrs. Mowbray to some of the choicest of our set."
Now I detest parties, small or large, but as the delicacy of my wife's nerves does not allow of her being thwarted, I made no objection to this proposal, though I sighed to myself.
"Of course, my dear," I said, "you know best."
"We'll ask about thirty," continued my wife, warming with the subject. "There's Mrs. Wharton, and Mrs. Horace Shinn, and Mrs. Price, and the three Misses Trelawney's," and thus the dear creature ran on until she had mentioned about forty names, and I saw that her "select party of congenial souls" was going to be, after all, a crowded rout.
My wife's last acquisition, in the way of a bosom friend, is Mrs Mortimer Mowbray, with whom she became acquainted last Summer, while we were boarding out of town. Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray had her carriage with her, and created quite a sensation; in fact, every lady in the house was eager to become her confidant; but the amiable deportment of Mrs. Jones, combined, I doubt not, with her intellectual accomplishments, rendered her the favorite; and she it was who daily occupied the spare seat in the coach, and had the honor of advising Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray in those thousand grave perplexities under which women suffer.
We returned to the city after the Mowbrays, but my wife, though usually very firm on the questions of etiquette, waived her privileges on this occasion, and made the first call. She was graciously received, and came home in high spirits. All that evening she could do nothing but talk of Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray. "Such an elegant establishment," she said. "A footman with manners like a prince, waited at the door. The drawing-room was the perfection of luxury and taste. Mrs. Mowbray had on such a sweet cap, and altogether looked so lady-like. Her manners, were, indeed, most aristocratic, just what one would suppose those of a countess to be."
In a few days, Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray returned my wife's call, coming in a shining new carriage and with a new span of horses. Her equipage created quite a sensation in our street.
Mrs. Jones, soon after this, began to act as if brooding over some vast design, which not being yet quite matured, she deemed it wisest to be silent respecting. At last, however, the mighty secret was broached.
"I was thinking, Jones," she said, one night, just as I was composing myself to sleep on my pillow, "that we ought to give a party. Not a regular ball, indeed, but a select entertainment, where a few congenial minds may be brought together. I should like to introduce my dear Mrs. Mowbray to some of the choicest of our set."
Now I detest parties, small or large, but as the delicacy of my wife's nerves does not allow of her being thwarted, I made no objection to this proposal, though I sighed to myself.
"Of course, my dear," I said, "you know best."
"We'll ask about thirty," continued my wife, warming with the subject. "There's Mrs. Wharton, and Mrs. Horace Shinn, and Mrs. Price, and the three Misses Trelawney's," and thus the dear creature ran on until she had mentioned about forty names, and I saw that her "select party of congenial souls" was going to be, after all, a crowded rout.
"You have forgotten the two Misses Howell," I said, at last, when my wife stopped for want of breath.
The two Misses Howell were amiable, intelligent and pretty girls, in whom I took a particular interest, because their father had once been an extensive shipping merchant, but having become reduced and died bankrupt, the sisters were compelled to earn a livelihood by standing in a store. They had numerous rich relations on whom they might have billeted themselves, but, with a spirit of proper independence, they preferred to work for their maintenance, instead of eating the bread of charity. I had long nourished a romantic idea of seeing them married well, and had consequently made it a point always to invite them to our parties; to praise them highly to the young gentlemen there, and in every other indirect way to assist them in realizing my pet scheme.
My wife heretofore had seconded me in my benevolent plan; but on the present occasion she hesitated to reply, and I knew at once that there was something the matter.
"Ahem!" she said at last, clearing her throat. "Ahem! The Misses Howell are very nice girls, to be sure—that is, in their place—but as it is to be a select party, and as I have already mentioned rather too many, and as Mrs. Mowbray may not want to meet all sorts of people, and as—"
"Stop, my dear," said I, with a sigh, for I saw that my favorites were not to be invited, "you have given reasons enough. It is a great pity, though." And I sighed again—a sigh eloquent of passing resignation.
My wife heard my sighs, and her tender heart was touched. She paused a moment in embarrassment, and perhaps even revolved the idea of yielding to my wishes, but, in the end, she raised herself on her elbow, and said:
"Mr. Jones, do listen to reason. You don't know how foolish you make yourself about those Howell girls. They've been unfortunate, to be sure; and they're very passable, indeed, but there's a prejudice, you are aware, against girls who stand in stores; and who knows but what Mrs. Mowbray would take offence at my inviting such people to meet her! I shouldn't like to do it, indeed, without first asking her; and I can't do that this time. She's very particular and so excessively high-bred."
"Then I don't think she'd regard you the less, my dear," I ventured to say, "for being acquainted with two such excellent girls as Pattie and Lizzie Howell."
"Mr. Jones, don't be a child," replied my wife, flinging herself on the other side of the bed. "At your age you should know something of the world. Exclusive people, like Mrs. Mowbray, don't care to meet nobodies. She was very choice, as you saw, as to whom she admitted to her acquaintance this Summer; I may say, indeed, that I am the only one of all she met whom she recognises now."
To have protracted the conversation would have excited my wife's nerves and deprived her of sleep, so I said no more, but closed my eyes and courted slumber anew. I have no recollection of anything after that until I awoke the next morning, and leaving Mrs. Jones abed, as usual, went down to see that the fires were right, and to do the marketing while breakfast was being prepared. The invitations to the party were issued that week, Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray graciously promising to attend.
When the important evening arrived, my wife was all nerves. At every ring of the bell, the colour rose to her face with expectation; but guest after guest entered without Mrs. Mowbray appearing. Her nervousness soon changed to anxiety, and this, as the hours wore on, to disappointment and dismay. She delayed the supper for a full hour, thinking that her new friend might yet arrive; but in vain.
"What can be the matter, I wonder?" she said to me, as soon as we were alone. "I hope the dear babe is well. Perhaps, however, Mrs. Mowbray is herself sick. Dear me, I am so afraid I shall not sleep for anxiety. The first thing I'll do to-morrow will be to call on Mrs. Mowbray and see what is the matter."
"Wouldn't that be against etiquette?" I ventured to ask. "It seems to me that Mrs. Mowbray should send you a note or message, or something of that sort, at least, to apologise for her absence."
Mrs. Jones did not reply in words, but she gave me a look, and such a look! It expressed all the indignation which her outraged bosom felt at having the slightest suspicion cast upon her friend.
When I came home to dinner that day, I saw at a glance, that something had occurred to ruffle my wife's nerves. She had nothing whatever to say to me, but she scolded the servants and children incessantly. I was too wise to inquire what was wrong. I knew that Mrs. Jones, if she thought proper, would tell me; and, if not, that idle questions would only aggravate her secret troubles.
But the next day, having heard something that cast light on Mrs. Mowbray's absence from our party, I could not contain myself when I came home.
"Did you ever hear, my love," I said, as I began to carve the turkey at dinner, "that the Misses Howell had a married sister?"
Mrs. Jones looked sharply up, as if she suspected I meant more than I said, and then answered laconically:
"I heard it casually, but never asked further."
"It seems," I continued, "that Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray is that sister."
"I've heard so since," said Mrs. Jones, sharply; and turning to our second child, who was asking for the wing bone, she rapped him over the head, exclaiming, tartly: "Haven't I told you to wait till you're helped? Take that, now, and learn manners."
I allowed a minute and more to elapse, in order that my wife's ebulition might subside, when I remarked:
"Mrs Mowbray, it seems, expected to meet her sisters here."
"I shouldn't wonder if she did," snappishly said Mrs. Jones, looking down on her plate, and apparently absorbed in parting a wing joint.
"When she found," I continued, "that her sisters were not asked, she grew indignant. She heard the reasons, it seems. Your friend, Mrs. Wharton, whom you had made a confidant, told some lady, who told her; and hence her anger."
"I am sure I don't care if I never see the proud thing again," said my wife, reddening very much; but still without looking up. "One could not have supposed that she was a sister to the Misses Howell."
After another pause, I said:
"Did you call on Mrs. Mowbray, as you intended?"
Mrs. Jones was silent for a full minute, and seemed half disposed to decline answering altogether; but finally she blurted out her reply as follows:
"Yes, I did, since you must know. And she wasn't in. So, at least the footman said; but if I didn't see her at the drawing-room window," and here she burst into tears of mortification and rage, "may I never eat another mouthful."
I saw that it would not do to continue the conversation; so I quietly ate my dinner, kissed the children, and, like Christian in the "Pilgrim's Progress," went my way.
Of course, the intimacy of my wife with Mrs. Mowbray ceased from the date of that fatal party; and, I am sorry to say, that the Misses Howell also have, as the phrase goes, "cut our acquaintance."
The two Misses Howell were amiable, intelligent and pretty girls, in whom I took a particular interest, because their father had once been an extensive shipping merchant, but having become reduced and died bankrupt, the sisters were compelled to earn a livelihood by standing in a store. They had numerous rich relations on whom they might have billeted themselves, but, with a spirit of proper independence, they preferred to work for their maintenance, instead of eating the bread of charity. I had long nourished a romantic idea of seeing them married well, and had consequently made it a point always to invite them to our parties; to praise them highly to the young gentlemen there, and in every other indirect way to assist them in realizing my pet scheme.
My wife heretofore had seconded me in my benevolent plan; but on the present occasion she hesitated to reply, and I knew at once that there was something the matter.
"Ahem!" she said at last, clearing her throat. "Ahem! The Misses Howell are very nice girls, to be sure—that is, in their place—but as it is to be a select party, and as I have already mentioned rather too many, and as Mrs. Mowbray may not want to meet all sorts of people, and as—"
"Stop, my dear," said I, with a sigh, for I saw that my favorites were not to be invited, "you have given reasons enough. It is a great pity, though." And I sighed again—a sigh eloquent of passing resignation.
My wife heard my sighs, and her tender heart was touched. She paused a moment in embarrassment, and perhaps even revolved the idea of yielding to my wishes, but, in the end, she raised herself on her elbow, and said:
"Mr. Jones, do listen to reason. You don't know how foolish you make yourself about those Howell girls. They've been unfortunate, to be sure; and they're very passable, indeed, but there's a prejudice, you are aware, against girls who stand in stores; and who knows but what Mrs. Mowbray would take offence at my inviting such people to meet her! I shouldn't like to do it, indeed, without first asking her; and I can't do that this time. She's very particular and so excessively high-bred."
"Then I don't think she'd regard you the less, my dear," I ventured to say, "for being acquainted with two such excellent girls as Pattie and Lizzie Howell."
"Mr. Jones, don't be a child," replied my wife, flinging herself on the other side of the bed. "At your age you should know something of the world. Exclusive people, like Mrs. Mowbray, don't care to meet nobodies. She was very choice, as you saw, as to whom she admitted to her acquaintance this Summer; I may say, indeed, that I am the only one of all she met whom she recognises now."
To have protracted the conversation would have excited my wife's nerves and deprived her of sleep, so I said no more, but closed my eyes and courted slumber anew. I have no recollection of anything after that until I awoke the next morning, and leaving Mrs. Jones abed, as usual, went down to see that the fires were right, and to do the marketing while breakfast was being prepared. The invitations to the party were issued that week, Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray graciously promising to attend.
When the important evening arrived, my wife was all nerves. At every ring of the bell, the colour rose to her face with expectation; but guest after guest entered without Mrs. Mowbray appearing. Her nervousness soon changed to anxiety, and this, as the hours wore on, to disappointment and dismay. She delayed the supper for a full hour, thinking that her new friend might yet arrive; but in vain.
"What can be the matter, I wonder?" she said to me, as soon as we were alone. "I hope the dear babe is well. Perhaps, however, Mrs. Mowbray is herself sick. Dear me, I am so afraid I shall not sleep for anxiety. The first thing I'll do to-morrow will be to call on Mrs. Mowbray and see what is the matter."
"Wouldn't that be against etiquette?" I ventured to ask. "It seems to me that Mrs. Mowbray should send you a note or message, or something of that sort, at least, to apologise for her absence."
Mrs. Jones did not reply in words, but she gave me a look, and such a look! It expressed all the indignation which her outraged bosom felt at having the slightest suspicion cast upon her friend.
When I came home to dinner that day, I saw at a glance, that something had occurred to ruffle my wife's nerves. She had nothing whatever to say to me, but she scolded the servants and children incessantly. I was too wise to inquire what was wrong. I knew that Mrs. Jones, if she thought proper, would tell me; and, if not, that idle questions would only aggravate her secret troubles.
But the next day, having heard something that cast light on Mrs. Mowbray's absence from our party, I could not contain myself when I came home.
"Did you ever hear, my love," I said, as I began to carve the turkey at dinner, "that the Misses Howell had a married sister?"
Mrs. Jones looked sharply up, as if she suspected I meant more than I said, and then answered laconically:
"I heard it casually, but never asked further."
"It seems," I continued, "that Mrs. Mortimer Mowbray is that sister."
"I've heard so since," said Mrs. Jones, sharply; and turning to our second child, who was asking for the wing bone, she rapped him over the head, exclaiming, tartly: "Haven't I told you to wait till you're helped? Take that, now, and learn manners."
I allowed a minute and more to elapse, in order that my wife's ebulition might subside, when I remarked:
"Mrs Mowbray, it seems, expected to meet her sisters here."
"I shouldn't wonder if she did," snappishly said Mrs. Jones, looking down on her plate, and apparently absorbed in parting a wing joint.
"When she found," I continued, "that her sisters were not asked, she grew indignant. She heard the reasons, it seems. Your friend, Mrs. Wharton, whom you had made a confidant, told some lady, who told her; and hence her anger."
"I am sure I don't care if I never see the proud thing again," said my wife, reddening very much; but still without looking up. "One could not have supposed that she was a sister to the Misses Howell."
After another pause, I said:
"Did you call on Mrs. Mowbray, as you intended?"
Mrs. Jones was silent for a full minute, and seemed half disposed to decline answering altogether; but finally she blurted out her reply as follows:
"Yes, I did, since you must know. And she wasn't in. So, at least the footman said; but if I didn't see her at the drawing-room window," and here she burst into tears of mortification and rage, "may I never eat another mouthful."
I saw that it would not do to continue the conversation; so I quietly ate my dinner, kissed the children, and, like Christian in the "Pilgrim's Progress," went my way.
Of course, the intimacy of my wife with Mrs. Mowbray ceased from the date of that fatal party; and, I am sorry to say, that the Misses Howell also have, as the phrase goes, "cut our acquaintance."
Warragul Guardian, Thursday 1 December 1881, supplement page 2.